Jesse Vitelli's Newsletter Chaos #???

Hey, it’s been a while. I know. I’ve been in a weird rut lately, feeling like I don’t have any interesting updates and happenings in my life to share. It feels weird when life feels like it’s on autopilot and I’m just going through the motions. The past few weeks have felt like I’m not owning my life, but rather letting life just happen to me as the days go on.

I’m not even going to lie and pretend like I’m not coming out of probably one of the worst depressive spirals I’ve been in in recent years. Waking up every day, looking for any reason to get out of bed. Trying to determine what makes sense for me to do for the day, budget wise and other. It’s been a nasty feeling of little self-worth and a bit of jealousy of those with what feels like boundless opportunities ahead of them. It’s been a tough year for me, and I don’t know what lies on the other side of it, but I guess we will see. So yeah, it’s been a while since I’ve wrote one of these, and the task of trying to write one every day has been tougher than I thought.

It’s been fucking with me a bit, and left me in a little bit of a weird spot. But I think I’m coming out the other side with a new appreciation for the mundane. My life doesn’t have to be decided by the up and down roller coaster of always have something new and prestigious to share. Sometimes it’s ok to just exist, reset, relax, and wait for things to take shape.

So I think this newsletter is a bit more somber. Relishing in the mundanity of life and the events that have and haven’t happened over the last few weeks. I often use my photos app to determine what my week has been because if it was important enough to photograph, that means I wanted to keep a memory of it with me. So let’s take a stroll down what I felt like was worthwhile, and things I felt weren’t worthwhile.

Ok never mind looking through my photos there is literally nothing i took a new photo of in weeks. It’s literally just been memes and other oddities I’ve found funny.

Honestly so much of the past few weeks have been me trying to cook more, workout, and catching up on plenty of games before the end of the year awards start taking shape, and I need to create a list of my top 10 favorite games of the year.

I really don’t love talking game of the year, it feels trite and often brings out the worst in folks. I’ve learned there are a lot of people who can’t argue for something without taking shots at another thing. It’s frustrating and leaves me so disengaged with the process.

Whether it’s the big awards shows or new and budding events like the Indie Game Awards, I love seeing games like 1000x Resist or Balatro get their flowers. This industry has been in a really horrible spot the past few years. Seeing constant studio closures, layoffs, and friends jobless. It feels good to be able to award teams who made it through the other side and managed to create something eternal.

With Thanksgiving on the horizon I should probably mention some things I’m thankful for. It feels like I’m becoming more jaded each year, cynical in my core, a hardened shell of what I once was, but I’m still thankful for a few things in this hellish world.

My friends and family are obvious ones. You’ve all seen me mention this consistently. Wouldn’t be where i am without them, and they deserve whatever I can muster up to give them. My cousin got married over the weekend, it was wonderful to see all of my family in one spot, celebrating bringing a new person into our family, and getting to enjoy each others company for a night.

I’m thankful for my mentors in the space, those who have stuck by me and given me advice when I’ve needed it the most. It’s been crucial to my development no matter where I go next. Valuable career and life advice had gotten me through a lot this year and it doesn’t go unrecognized.

I’m thankful for bad reality television and YouTube trivia videos. I’m thankful for Jeopardy and the new Kendrick Lamar album (which rips btw please listen to it if you haven’t.) I’m thankful for Coca Cola Zero Sugar and good Thai food. I’m thankful for old videos of concerts I’ve kept on my phone. I’m thankful for vivid memories spent with loves ones.

I’m not thankful for dating apps. They continue to be a monetized hellscape and I refuse to deal with them anymore. I hate them with every fiber of my being.

I hope y’all have a good holiday reset. Spending it with those you cherish, and live your lives to the fulles.t it’s been a tough year out there for a lot of us, and I don’t foresee it getting to much better out there all things considered. So remember that real change and support comes form your community. Holding each other up and giving support where you can. It’s easy to try and make it on your own, but it’s easier with people who you love and trust.

Stay safe out there