Jesse Vitelli's Newsletter: We are so back

Ok, yes, I know i missed last week. It was a mixture of being so incredibly burnt out and tired from a very busy few weeks. The important thing is I’m back now and feeling a bit better. So let’s get into my life over the last couple of weeks.

Wedding Szn

It’s still wedding season over here. Last week I got to watch two of my closest friends Dan and MK get married. It was an absolute blast and couldn’t have asked for a better night surrounded by love, friends, and plenty of good music to dance to.

I still have one more wedding this year before The Most amount of weddings in one year is finally over.

Here’s some photos form the occasion and congrats to the happy couple.

(Also dan’s brother started an excellent trend of standing on toilets all weekend and it might be the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long ass time.)

Mario Party

I fucking hate Mario Party. I hate playing it, I hate Toad’s smug fucking face when he’s withholding a star from me because I don’t have 20 coins because some asshole decided to steal them from me in a previous turn. I hate when Bowser shows up to just make everyone’s lives worse.

But i DO love watching other people play Mario Party. Recently I’ve been watching friends play the newest Mario Party game on Switch and it’s been so much fun. Not being involved in the whims of fate that Mario Party doles out is the ultimate way to experience it.

But over the course of watching these game’s unfold I’ve had a bigger question on my mind which deserves it’s whole section.

Wiggler Milk

Everyone’s favorite yellow caterpillar thing the Wiggler is in Mario Party. It’s actually quite prominently featured among multiple stages throughout. In the Galleria Mall you can see ads for checks notes Wiggler Milk.

It raised so many questions that had my head spinning. In the Western Land stage Wiggler sells this milk for all members of the game to drink.

After heavy research into this wild assertion, I’ve only come up with more questions than answers.

One lone Reddit comment still haunts me to this day, and probably will for the rest of my life.

Astro Bot

I continue to dominate the speedrun leaderboards for Astro Bot and continue to put Jeff Grubb in his place. I am the #1 games media presences for speed running Astro bot and no one can take my crown. This isn’t really an update, but a reminder to Jeff Grubb that I’m an active threat.

Go out and Vote!

It’s election day tomorrow and if you haven’t voted already using early voting or a mail-in ballot, makes sure you get out there and do the damn thing. It’s an incredibly important process and you need to make your voice heard.

My friend Greg

My friend Greg ran the NYC marathon over the weekend and I’m incredibly proud of him and more people need to know about it because I’m like a proud son. He worked really hard for this and I just wanted to take a moment out here to say congratulations again for this really sick achievement that not many people accomplish or come close to doing in their life.

Dating Apps

Dating on the apps continues to be a horrible endeavor and I think I just need someone to confess their love to me directly because I don’t know how much mor i can take of these things. They continue to be god awful and here are a slew of prompts and bios I have seen over the last week that have made me went to crawl into a hole forever.

Bunch of red flags here!!!! Bad times all around, we hate it I hate it get me out of here please.

Traveling without headphones

I recently left my headphones at my parents house last week and so I’ve been rawdogging outside when I do errands or travel into the city. It’s actually been kind of nice to walk around my neighborhood and just listen to the sounds of cars go back, people arguing about silly things, and listening to whatever random music someone is blasting from their apartment window.

It sort of feels like I’m falling in love with the city all over again.

However, taking the subway without headphones is still a masochists game and no one can convince me otherwise.

Ok let’s end this

Ok this seems like enough for one newsletter (even though it should technically be two because I missed one) But really y’all didn’t miss anything last week, It was me recharging my social battery by staying in complete darkness for like 4 days straight.

I’ll end this with a song that has been stuck in my head for weeks.